So I've been home for almost a week now. Not really sure what to think. I have been in a daze since I got here. Everything that happened in Gabon feels like it was so long ago. It seems like I came home and everything kinda just went back to how it was before I even left for the trip. Not much has changed. But the problem is that I HAVE changed. I'm not the same person I was before. . The Lord has completely renewed and transformed me in every way imaginable. My outlook on life is so contradictory to what it was before. My idea of missions is completely different. I feel like the only people that can truly understand me right now are those going through the exact same thing- my Gabon family. We're all trying to transition to American culture at the same time. And it's so hard to not be sucked into it all right away. I have been finding myself acting just like everyone around me, who are so unaware of the things going on in places like Africa. But I can't judge anyone for not understanding or for being a selfish American because that's exactly the person I was just one month ago. My mind is racing as I try to process all these thoughts. I keep telling people there is absolutely no possible way for me to explain in words what I saw in Gabon, what I felt, or what I feel like right now. The Holy Spirit has worked within me unimaginably. My heart aches because I miss how my life was a week ago. I miss all the people and the environment. But one thing God has been teaching me lately is that the second you become comfortable, He likes to go right back and make you uncomfortable again. Comfort is dangerous. Comfort brings selfishness, wickedness, and temptation. When we're uncomfortable, when we feel lost or confused, God is the one we turn to. He uses our weakness to show His strength through us. I have learned this time and time again. So as I try to adjust back here in the states, I am going to try my best to "consider it pure joy.. whenever [I] face trials of many kinds, because [I] know that testing of [my] faith develops perseverance" James 1:2-3. I want to apologize for any negativity I have towards this country because I really am proud to be an American. I am extremely blessed. And that's where stewardship comes in. We Americans are called to be stewards for Christ. None of what we think we own belongs to us. It is all our Father's. We are to use it for His glory alone.
Hopefully my thoughts on here haven't been too random or disorganized. It really is impossible to get everything down. Right now should be the most confusing, overwhelming, stressful state of my life as I go into my senior year and start to pursue college, but because the Holy Spirit has worked in my heart like never before, I am at the most peace I have ever felt in my life. God is so so good. This next year I will be focusing on bringing everything I have learned this summer back to my ministry here at home. I'm so excited for all He has in store for me. Thank you for sharing this journey with me through this blog. I hope the Lord was able to speak through me in countless ways. I love you all!
Hopefully my thoughts on here haven't been too random or disorganized. It really is impossible to get everything down. Right now should be the most confusing, overwhelming, stressful state of my life as I go into my senior year and start to pursue college, but because the Holy Spirit has worked in my heart like never before, I am at the most peace I have ever felt in my life. God is so so good. This next year I will be focusing on bringing everything I have learned this summer back to my ministry here at home. I'm so excited for all He has in store for me. Thank you for sharing this journey with me through this blog. I hope the Lord was able to speak through me in countless ways. I love you all!