Dear God,
You are unfathomably Awesome... And you know me better than I know myself. You knew how much I needed to be here in Gabon this summer. And all the things that you had in store for me. The relationships that have been built, the healing, renewal and breaking of my heart. All important details in your plan for my life. I am amazed by you. But father I have to say I am not ready for goodbye. Don't get me wrong I miss my family and friends so much! But you have placed a desire in my heart for Africa and for your people and children here that is beyond my understanding. It literally brings me more joy than I ever thought possible! And I feel that these goodbyes will be harder than I can imagine. Father thank you for each one of these family members that you have placed in my life. Each one of them is a vital part of our second family and each one inspires me to love you more. The friendships that have been made will go far beyond this summer and each of them has left an imprint on my heart.
Lord you have shown yourself to me over and over again in the faces of the Gabonese people. I can see and feel you stretching my heart moment by moment. I am broken by the things I have seen and renewed by your holy spirit. You have provided me with all the strength necessary and I know that you are asking me to give you control of my life. You want all of me and I continue to hold back trying to control things myself. But I know full well as I take each step it is determined by you alone. Therefore the greatest thing I can do to pursue you is to daily surrender my life to you to be broken and used to further your kingdom here on earth. I find my strength, hope, joy and love in you alone. I want nothing more than to serve you with my whole life as your obedient servant. Clinging to your feet and humbly offering my life as a sacrifice to you.
But I also know I am human and I will fail again and again but your mercies are new each day. Help me to not take you for granted. Help me to not take all things you have given me for granted. Help me to daily strive to live as you would learning more and more each day. I desire to know you more. I know there will be roadbumps and struggles but I know you will continue to carry me in your perfect love. Nothing in this life is certain except our faith in you Lord. I pray you would challenge me and change me as I go back to the states. God I am extremely nervous about a three week transition from Africa to Washington to California. But I also believe you are in control and you have the ability to change me and fill me with your peace. Thank you for all the blessings you daily pour into my life.
Africa has once again opened my eyes to so many things. I know the perspective I leave here with will transform my life if I allow you to do so. God there has been so many adventures and new experiences but most importantly there has been so many moments where I have felt you and been reminded of your Greatness! and my smallness. I don't want to selfishly live for myself. I want to serve you and love you more than I ever have before. I want to live differently and boldly for you. I want your love to set a fire on my heart that continually burns to bring you praise and glory. I love these people. I love this beautiful country. I am inspired by the way they move and sing praises to you. I am encouraged by the loyal devotion I see in your followers here. I am impacted by the brokeness and poverty that is found here. I am filled with your holy spirit. And all I am is yours. You are more than enough for me. I want to cling to you and be dependent on you for each breath that you provide me with.
Lord I know that you are here. Its overwhelming. But I also know that you are in the United States. You may be hidden by much of the busyness but you are there and we just need to open our eyes and ears. You will use us each day of our lives and its in the everyday that you will prepare us for our futures. Better to make the most of each moment you give us than to just plan ahead. You are on South Whidbey. In the churches, schools, in the darkest places. Build up your believers to boldly reach out with your message of hope and love. May we live pure lives that would be pleasing to you alone. God you are here, you are alive and you still change lives. Help us to never doubt you but to trust you and Wait upon you. Fill me with fear of you. I want to stand in Awe of you. Finding myself falling more in love with you every second of every day. I love you Lord and although I cannot fully understand you I give you my whole heart and life. Use me, mold me, break me and transform me in your love. I love you Lord. Thank you for bringing me to Gabon. Give me strength as it comes time to say goodbye. Fill me with your presence. God you are so good! Your love never fails!
Sincerely,
Your Daughter Natasha
Bullet Points of our day today:
-Last sunday in Gabon--Bittersweet.
-Cinnamin toast crunch for breakfast!
-Church at Nzeng-Agyong - 3.5 hours! But you were there Lord, what beautiful worship!
-Talking with my Gabonese brothers and sisters is always a blessing.
-Pizza for lunch!
-A relaxing afternoon... I ended up napping for 2.5 hours!
-The team left for home around 5.
-Street food Sunday! Chicken, french fries and bananas! Yum!
-Family meeting with much laughter :)
-Family game night - five crowns...
.... and reality that time here is short....
Thank you for your prayers and thoughts. I hope you have a blessed week! Full of God's love and mighty power.
Love and miss you all!
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